is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
