I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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