I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
