The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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