I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
