did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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