You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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