Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
