This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
