Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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