he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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