You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
