thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
