if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
