Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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