I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
