Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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