the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
