So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
