That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
God, I missed his penis.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
