i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
