Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
