I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
