I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We need to get me chipped asap
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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