So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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