I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I want to stick my p in your. b.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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