i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
