Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
