dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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