Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
