I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
