Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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