My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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