Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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