he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
