Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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