i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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