saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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