you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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