I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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