is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
