If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
