all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
