i already hear my dad disowning me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
