I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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