You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
