i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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