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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He passed out mid-signature
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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