just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
