Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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